I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
