She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
