i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
