she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
