apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize