sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
