that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
