I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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