Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
