she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
