i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
