she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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