I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
