the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
