why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
