im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
