Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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