Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
