he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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