I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
