worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
