Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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