I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
