I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
