My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
