I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
