well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize