Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
