honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
