Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
