You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
