THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont even know how to be here
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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