dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
