how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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