he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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