Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
