I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
