i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
