dude i'm inner monologue high
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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