Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
