I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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