Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize