im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
