I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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