We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
