Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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