If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
