Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
