I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
