im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
