Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
