i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
