Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
