I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
