Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
