escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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