I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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