I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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