ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
