tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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