Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
