It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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