was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
