oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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