Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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