ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
