Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
