i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
