you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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