Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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