Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
