I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
