I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize