your parents love me but you hate me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
