I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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