YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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