Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
