If i come over, it means nothing
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
