garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
