I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
