I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ok first of all what the fuck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
