he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
