This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
